


Use Me

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Smut, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27363265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: Inspired by Use Me- Goo Goo DollsEvery time they were good enough for you, but you weren’t good enough for them.You’d make your way to his place, and he’d take care of it. He’d take care of you.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 13





	Use Me

**Author's Note:**

> Self indulgent smutty angst early birthday present to myself 
> 
> No happy ending, just angst.
> 
> Hah! At least I’m warning you right?
> 
> Leave me a comment if you liked!
> 
> Xoxo Bucky Angstmaster

“Slim pickings tonight?”

“Non-existent.”

He chuckles, and your breath hitches. It was always something small like this that riled you up.

A raised eyebrow when you slammed the door in frustration because some drunk dude had torn one of the straps off your LBD. Lucky black dress. As in you always got some when you were wearing it.

It had worked that night, of course.

The finality with which he closed the book he’d been reading when you slumped onto the couch next to him after you saw your ex in the club and bolted.

The sigh that he let out when you came over wasted and couldn’t make it to the bathroom before heaving your guts out with impressive velocity.

Maybe because whenever you see him, it’s after being cock-blocked. Because you’re too drunk, because their significant other showed up and they suddenly remembered they weren’t available, because you said something that was too sarcastic, too dorky, or too goddamn real.

Every time they were good enough for you, but you weren’t good enough for them.

You’d make your way to his place, and he’d take care of it. He’d take care of you.

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” It’s the same shit, different day, but you still have to ask.

“Being your last choice?”

You look down but he put his hands in your hair and lifts your head up just like that. Not a gentle finger under your chin, but fistfuls of your hairspray and a slightly sore scalp.

You gasp from pain, but it quickly turns into pleasure as he traces his tongue along your collarbone.

“Trust me, (y/n). I’m using you as much as you’re using me.”

“I forgot how much I love your walk of shame.”

“Shut up.” This is the problem with living in the tower. Everybody’s up in your business.

“So who’s the special John this time?”

“John? I’m not a whore, you old codger.” Six months ago you’d never have said that to Bucky, but aside from the occasional hallucination and murderous stare into space, he was really chill.

“Yeah. Whores get paid. You do this for the thrills.” You can’t even get mad at him because it’s true and you love every bit of it.

“Nah, man. Look at her, bow-legged. Only Clint can ruin her like that.” Of course Tony would pay attention to your legs. But you’re not going to deny it; a large penis is a gift that should be appreciated to the fullest.

“Guys can we not do this, every single time?!” Steve was tired of being scandalized on a regular basis.

“Why don’t you move in with him?” Thor clearly didn’t understand the dynamics of friends with benefits.

“And miss out on this riveting conversation?” You cross your eyes and everyone laughs.

But the tower is the perfect place to live. Your friends are close enough to take an elevator to, but will still give you space when you’re having womanly troubles. Especially when you refer to it as such.

And you don’t have to run into Clint all the time. Things got weird when your best friend got involved with a serious girlfriend and she didn’t like him living with women, even as roommates. Of course, when they finally got their own place together, they had already lost interest in each other. 

And then you two got tipsy that time and woke up with his finger in your ass. It was too hard to go back to being besties after that. 

Then soon after, you had that pregnancy scare and he realized he didn’t want to be a father, ever. But you’d already decided that if you were knocked up, you were definitely keeping it. Because you wanted kids.

You were going down two different paths, and neither of you were wrong. You two just weren’t meant to be.

But everyone has needs. And you fit together so well. Every single inch.

Baby it’s alright. You can use me anytime.

“3 AM? That’s a new record.” He’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and he looks understandably grouchy.

“Sorry.”

He opens the door nonetheless and lets you in. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered that you’d rather do me than sleep, or insulted that you expect me to fulfill your need regardless of the time.”

You close the door behind you and lean against it for support. You’re a little drunk and a little sleepy; but mostly watching him rub his eyes reminded you how good he was at rubbing other things. “Which one of those will get your pants off faster?”

He pushes you up against the door so hard that your head bounces off it. “Either.”

You reach into your purse before realizing you forgot to bring a condom. “Shit.”

He snickers. “Guess you’re out of luck then.”

“Maybe not.” You grab his hand with a smirk. “This will work.”

“Yeah, right. Why should I?”

“I’ll do yours first.”

He pulls his hand out of yours with a grimace. “Pass. You do it like a southern widow shooting dice.”

“Excuse me?!” You can’t even come up with a retort because it’s 3 AM.

“Like you’re a caveman trying to start a fire before the wolves come.”

“Neither of those sound that bad though.”

“Like you’re trying to skin me.”

“Yikes.”

“Yep.”

You thought about it for a bit. You never really had the practice. Never really needed to since guys always seem to prefer actual sex to hand jobs.

“I guess I’ll give you this one. Frequent buyer stamp card bonus.”

You shakeyour head. “I’m not that selfish. I already came knocking at 3.” You reach for the doorknob behind you.

“You sure you’re going to walk out on these?” He wiggles his fingers at you suggestively.

“Uh huh.” You can’t even say yes because it would be a bigass lie, but you’re not going to make him satisfy you if you can’t do it for him.

“Positive?” His hand is slowly making its way down the front of your dress.

“Yuh huh,” you mumble, but the doorknob is suddenly way farther than you thought.

“100 percent?” His other hand is crawling up your thigh.

“Uhm.” Your arms are useless so you can’t get the door open.

“You know what you can do for me?”

“Wut?” You can’t even say the word properly.

“Beg.”

“I-“ In any other situation you’d smack him in the face, punch him in the stomach, and stomp on his foot.

“Well?”

“I’ll get out of your hair.” You might not be able to whoop his ass, but you could at least walk out of there with dignity. 3 AM, horny as hell, dignity.

You’re halfway out the door when he picks you up and carries you to the couch.

“I don’t need anything from you, (y/n).

Watching you cum is enough for me.”

With that, his fingers take over and make you forget the time, day and year.

“Clint should keep a wheelchair at his place for you.”

You hobble to the kitchen, starving since you’d snuck out of there before breakfast.

“He kicked you out without a granola bar or something?”

You scoff. “Ok first of all, the wheelchair thing wouldn’t work because I only need it on the way back. I’m not going to wheel it back there in my free time. So we’d need infinite wheelchairs. Second, he’s not like that. We might not be dating but he’s not going to deny me food. Oh and third of all why are you up at 5?!”

“Hello, I have my own business. I can be up whenever I want. Who’s going to fire me for starting work at 8 pm, myself?”

“Fair enough. Now let me eat in peace.”

“Go take a shower. You know what you smell like? A big old heap of-“

“Fine, I’m off. See this is why I never invite him over.”

“Sure, it’s not because it will bring back unpleasant memories. Like how you used to love each other. Platonically.”

“Hey it’s hard to fuck your brother.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m an only child.”

“10 pm? Was there a cover charge for the bars today?” Clint calls from the other room as you let yourself in.

“No.”

He rushes over and the surprise changes to smugness. “How many times have I told you not to wear sweatpants to the bar unless you’re willing to bribe the bouncer?”

“I, uh, actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Ooh, samesies.”

You meet in the middle of the room. You go in for a kiss, but he sticks his hand in front of your face. His voice is soft and urgent. “Sorry, (y/n). I meant to text you but I figured you wouldn’t be here until after she was gone. I have a date.”

“Right now?!” You keep your voice down, which is tough because it’s hard to hear over the roaring in your ears.

“Yeah. It was just supposed to be dinner but we’re really hitting it off.”

You feel a twinge in your chest, but keep an impish grin on your face. “I can’t believe you’re replacing me.”

He sticks his tongue out at you. “Hey, I’m actually interested in her okay? It’s different.”

“Oh.” You want to feel sorry for yourself, but there’s something more important. Which is, not screwing your screw-buddy over. “Damn, now I got to come up with an excuse for you! Another woman waltzing into your apartment at 10!”

He pinches your cheek with a smile. “Already done. Told her you’re my cousin.”

“What?! Why didn’t you say roommate?!” Leave it to Clint to make you accidentally incestual.

“Well I didn’t think of it!!” He yells hoarsely. You can’t help but giggle. 

“Sorry to interrupt your date, cuz!” You say at a normal volume.

“Oh don’t worry about it.” Before Clint can give you a fake reply, his date walks in, answering confidently for him. Tall. Slender. Blonde. Ah shit, it’s the trifecta.

“Hi, I’m (y/n).” You stick out your hand, and she shakes it perfectly like she took a seminar at a business conference. 

“She’s just staying with me for a few nights til she gets back on her feet. Her boyfriend dumped her and kicked her out so she had nowhere else to go.”

Really?! This was the backstory?! You were definitely going to get him back for this. Maybe actually tear his junk off. “Let’s not talk about it.”

“I’m glad you have somewhere to stay. Although I might have been looking forward to it just being the two of us.” Clint’s eyes practically pop out of his skull at her admission.

“Uh, I’m sure we can get (y/n) a motel room.”

Traitor! First he turns you into a homeless jilted lover and now he’s tossing you out like an expired condom! “I really don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now.”

She nods sympathetically while he gives you the side-eye. “Buck up, (y/n). You don’t need a pity party.”

How dare he?! You need to come up with a situation appropriate call-out. Luckily the lady intervenes. “I have to get up early for a meeting tomorrow anyway.” She gives him a sultry smile and his lips curve to match hers. “Then I can have you all to myself the rest of the day.”

“I can’t wait.” They share a long, delicate kiss why you stare at them like a freak. You didn’t know he had it in him to be soft like that. Until now you assumed he could only kiss hungrily, briefly, oh yeah and impatiently.

Then they break apart and rest their foreheads on each other and you realize.

This is what intimacy is for him.

You leave the room. You don’t need to see any more. You don’t want to.

As soon as the door closes, Clint marches over. “What the hell, (y/n)?!”

“What?!” He has every right to be mad but you don’t care.

“I already told you I was into her! Why’d you mess it up?!”

You scoff. “So I ended your date early. Once. You’re seeing her tomorrow. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“You know I’ve only worn those once. For your birthday.” The memory of him in purple lacy lingerie eases the tension.

You exhale slowly. “I guess I made a slight boo boo. Slight.”

He rolls his eyes, but you can see his anger receding. “So you came to talk? That’s new.”

“Yeah.” You rubbed the back of your neck slowly, second-guessing yourself. Maybe you should just let it go. No reason to mess up a good thing.

“I’m guessing it’s important, since you got rid of my evening squeeze.”

“Squeeze?” You make a puking face. “What is this, the 40s?”

“Stop deflecting. I know you too well. Spit it out.”

You hated how he was right. When your grandma passed, when your Ugandan informant went missing, he’d noticed you were off immediately. He was a damn good spy. And a really good friend.

“I just...” You weren’t sure how to even begin.

He plops down on a chair and pats his lap. “Get comfy. It will be easier.”

You knew it was completely the opposite, but you couldn’t say no. You sink onto his legs and he puts an arm around your waist. “So?”

“Stop tickling my stomach, I can’t concentrate.”

“Concentrate on what?”

“On telling you something!”

He pulls his hand out from under your shirt. He tilts his head and looks at you carefully. “It’s serious, right?”

“Yes.” He knows you too well.

He sighs deeply and cups your face in his strong archer hands.

“We can’t do this (y/n).”

You bite the inside of your cheek so you can focus on the physical pain, instead of your stupid heart. “I miss being friends.”

He puts his hands under your arms and lifts you like a rag doll. “We knew going in that it could only be one or the other. Friendship or fucking. Love or passion. We can’t do both; we don’t have it in us. You know that.”

You want to say maybe it’s better if it’s neither. But it’s not fair to him. It’s not fair you didn’t realize until you saw him fall for someone else. It’s not fair you came only when it was late, when you needed someone. It’s not fair how much you want him now. Only him.

“We knew going in, that we wouldn’t be able to go back.” You whisper, and look away so he doesn’t see the shimmer in your eyes.

“Do you need some time alone?” He stands, still hoisting you in the air, and it’s bittersweet. You love feeling like he can toss you and catch you, like you’re thin and perfect-sized for him. But you hate losing him. Who he was to you before this mess, who you were to him before the loneliness and thirst got the better of you and he left a hole in your soul to fill the one between your legs.

But it’s better to have some of him, and you know he agrees.

You’re closer to losing each other than loving each other. 

You can’t lose him.

“Alone? You know I can’t finish on my own.” You murmur against his chin, and his husky laugh makes the ache travel down from your chest.

“Well I have some good news.”

“Yeah?” Most of your vocabulary floats out your head when he presses you against the wall.

“Check my pocket.” You reach your hand down and feel the crinkle on your palm.

“Is that-“ The rest of the words are smothered as he smashes his mouth onto yours, biting down on your lip so hard it bleeds.

“Don’t wear pants next time.” He yanks them off you and your back arches involuntarily.

You know your tailbone is going to be bruised tomorrow, but right now this hurts so good.

“Use me, Clint.”

“Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAA
> 
> LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU LIKED
> 
> Sorry not sorry ;)
> 
> Quick poll 1: which part gave you FEELS
> 
> Have a good week lovelies!
> 
> Xoxo Bucky


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